Radical Acceptance: Finding Your Footing When the World Feels Out of Control

There are times when the world feels like it's running a particularly chaotic expansion pack, and nobody bothered to release the patch notes. Political uncertainty. Economic instability. Social conflict. Rapid technological changes. Wars, natural disasters, and a seemingly endless parade of things demanding our attention. Everywhere we look, something is changing. And if you're feeling anxious, frustrated, angry, or overwhelmed by it all, you're certainly not alone.

Human brains like predictability. We like knowing what comes next, understanding the rules, and believing we have some influence over what happens to us. Unfortunately, the universe has never been particularly interested in consulting us about its plans. So what do we do when reality refuses to cooperate?

One of the most useful skills I've encountered in my work as a therapist comes from Marsha Linehan and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It's called radical acceptance. And despite the name, it isn't about becoming passive, approving of terrible things, or pretending everything is fine. It's about learning to stop fighting reality long enough to figure out what we can actually do.

Marsha Linehan's 10 Steps for Practicing Radical Acceptance

In DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, Linehan outlines ten ways to practice radical acceptance. The following is a plain-language adaptation of her steps, with examples of how they can help us navigate uncertain times.

1 Notice when you're fighting reality.

Pay attention to thoughts like “This shouldn't be happening!” or “Things aren't supposed to be this way!” Recognizing resistance is the first step toward changing your relationship with it.

2 Remind yourself of what is already true.

The present moment is what it is. You cannot undo something that has already happened, although you may be able to influence what happens next.

3 Recognize that reality has causes.

Events emerge from circumstances, decisions and conditions. Understanding that history led to the present doesn't mean approving of it. It means recognizing that reality didn't materialize simply to annoy you personally.

4 Practice acceptance with your whole self.

Acceptance involves more than repeating words. Try mindful breathing, relaxing your muscles, accepting self-talk, imagery, or DBT practices such as willing hands and half-smiling.

5 Act as though you've already accepted the facts.

Ask yourself: “If I weren't spending so much energy fighting this situation, what would I do next?” Then begin practicing those behaviors, even if emotional acceptance hasn't caught up yet.

6 Rehearse coping with difficult realities.

Imagine accepting a situation that feels unacceptable. Then mentally practice how you could respond effectively. This is sometimes called coping ahead. Preparation can make uncertainty more manageable.

7 Notice what happens in your body.

As you consider the situation, pay attention to tension, breathing, stomach sensations, clenched muscles or other physical responses. Observe them without immediately trying to escape them.

8 Allow yourself to experience sadness, disappointment or grief.

Acceptance doesn't require happiness. Sometimes acknowledging reality means allowing yourself to mourn what you've lost or what you hoped would happen.

9 Remember that life can still be meaningful in the presence of pain.

Difficult circumstances don't erase every opportunity for connection, joy, purpose, growth or meaningful action.

10 Examine the advantages and disadvantages of resisting acceptance.

If you're struggling, ask what continuing to fight reality accomplishes—and what it costs you. Compare that with what might become possible if you acknowledged the situation and redirected your energy.